Homage
by Sweet Avidya Jones
Summary: Roku returns home from his training and is forced to confront a burden he has been bearing for years.
1. Chapter 1

The dreams were back.

Roku returned to the Fire Nation - returned home - as a celebrated hero. He had visited home during his training, but it was much less of an event, just quiet trips to see his parents. This time, people lined the streets for the procession to the Palace. He wasn't sure what they were bothering for, exactly. They couldn't see him with the heavy curtains on the palanquin separating him from everyone else. He peeked out once. A group of girls his age saw and waved. One of them jumped in excitement when he returned it.

He had lived in the Capitol for as long as he could remember, but this level of pageantry was new to him. It would have raised too many questions, since his family was not nobility. They were only brought to the Capitol after his status as the Avatar became known to the Sages, and the Fire Lord.

The opulent fabric and yards of embroidery around him felt strangely jarring. It wasn't long ago that he'd been driving his hands into barrels of sand, going to bed too exhausted and bruised to shake the dust from his clothes. He remembered a more recent moment - just a few weeks prior - standing in a courtyard in Omashu. There was a small rock trapped between his sandal and the arch of his foot. He didn't even feel the impulse to dig it out. Instead, he shifted his heel and the stone crumbled into sand. He was an earthbender. These instances of confusing duality were not new - he had experienced them multiple times in recent years. Still, he was not quite accustomed to them.

When the palanquin tilted as they mounted the steps, his stomach lurched along with it. He took a deep breath, drumming his fingers on his knees as he blew it out. A minute later, the curtains were drawn so he could step out, and he took his time adjusting his robes, waiting for his parents to join him. The royal family was waiting to receive them, and he avoided looking in their direction as long as good manners would permit. The Fire Lord stood with his Lady on his arm. Roku did his best to keep his attention on them as he approached. He stopped before them and bowed.

He wrote after he left, to thank them. It was the first letter he stamped with the Avatar's seal, which felt like an important gesture. Though it was impossible to ever truly express his gratitude for everything they'd done for him, he tried. He thanked them for welcoming his family into the Capitol, and their home. For ensuring he received the best firebending instruction possible. For letting him train alongside their son.

Prince Sozin stood at his father's left. He was broad chested with a naturally regal bearing, but his formal robes made him look even larger and more imposing than usual. There was the suggestion of a smirk on his face, and when their eyes met he cocked an eyebrow as if to say, "All of this over _you_?". Roku gave a bashful shrug in answer and Sozin stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. It was stretching formal decorum and his shoulders tensed as Sozin's hand fell between them to thump him affectionately on the back. There was a cheer from the younger people in the crowd.

"Welcome back," he said, his voice raised in his ear to be heard over the horns and drums.

They ate in the family dining hall - not the sprawling, formal one - and he was given the seat beside Sozin. This spot at the table would have been reserved for Sozin's siblings, if he had any. It was a place of honor, but it made Roku feel conflicted to sit there. His parents were across from him, beaming with pride.

He thought of his earthbending Master, who was uncompromising and loathed arrogance. It was nearly impossible to resent him for this, because he worked harder than any of his students and did even the most basic drills alongside them. Being invited to join him for a simple breakfast on his porch was one of the most humbling moments of his training. It felt hard-earned. This did not.

"Avatar Roku," the Fire Lord began, and a fond smile curled his lips. "Will you be staying long?"

He set down his chopsticks and glanced at his mother. There was sadness in her eyes she was trying to conceal.

"For as long as I can," he replied.

"Well, it would be our honor if you would stay here, in the guest wing," the Fire Lady said. She gestured to his parents, "I certainly wouldn't want to impose on your mother's time with you. But we should begin treating you with the same courtesies we would expect other Nations to extend."

"I appreciate the offer, very much," Roku said. He cleared his throat and glanced at Sozin out of the corner of his eye. He was looking down at his plate and didn't appear to be paying much attention to the conversation.

"Your sister will understand," his mother said, and he met her eyes across the table. Her smile was warm and it seemed she had finally won her internal battle with sentimentality, if only temporarily. "She'll be at school tomorrow, anyway."

"Surely you haven't forgotten how to get to our house from here?" his father asked, peering at him over his glasses. His sense of humor was so dry, anyone else might have mistaken his expression for one of disapproval. This was the closest he ever came to teasing.

"Well, I - "

"Come on, Roku," Sozin cut in, still focused on his food. "We can spar in the morning before breakfast. Like the old days." He popped a chunk of meat into his mouth and tilted his head in his direction as he chewed. There was a spark of mischief in his eyes and his smile was infectious.

"All right," he agreed, the words leaving his mouth before he even had a chance to think about it.

An attendant showed him to his quarters after dinner, Sozin walking beside him. The door was unlocked and they all stepped inside. After Roku's assurances that he didn't need anything further, and his thanks, the young man left them standing alone in the room. They stared at each other in silence, and the suddenness with which it had fallen down around them made it awkward.

"Sparring," Sozin reminded him, finally seizing the moment and steering it away from the abyss. He pointed at him for emphasis. "In the morning." He grinned, "Let's see how much all of that time with the earthbenders slowed you down."

He chuckled when Roku only rolled his eyes in reply. They embraced again, a little tighter than they had on the steps.

"It's good to have you home," Sozin said.

They bid each other goodnight. Roku hung his clothes in the wardrobe. He found a robe inside and wore it onto the balcony, where he stood silent in the warm night air for a while. He should have meditated but felt too tired, and instead he went to bed.

The dreams were back.

He felt skin against his tongue and hands on his chest and satisfying, invading heat.

He moaned Sozin's name in the darkness, in his sleep, for the first time in more than a year.


	2. Chapter 2

Roku woke the next morning with a sour stomach. His head was fuzzy, as if he hadn't really slept.

The dream haunted him. It was a ghost that loomed at his back when he rose from bed. He put on the well-worn, knee length pants he favored for sparring and then lingered in his room, steeling himself. Still feeling naked, he stared into his wardrobe and debated putting on more clothing. Maybe a tunic, or something with sleeves. A cloak. With a hood. All of this felt depressingly familiar and he heaved a resigned sigh.

He thought time apart would help him move past this. Leaving the Fire Nation for training should have given him the distance to let go of these futile emotions. He thought he had.

From the Air Nomads, he learned that attachment brought suffering, that there was freedom in letting go. The Water Tribe taught him about the flow of things, that fighting currents was a waste of energy. He learned to navigate obstacles with instinct, and the inherent wisdom he carried without even being aware of it. The Earthbenders showed him the strength to support this knowledge, the confidence to hold himself up.

Sozin greeted him with an embrace and everything he thought had saved him crumbled when the distance between them closed. The lessons he so valued felt like meaningless platitudes when it all came rushing back, like some monstrous tidal wave he had no hope of controlling. Returning home ready to serve the world and represent his people should have been a galvanizing moment. Instead, he just felt cowed by his own emotions. He felt weak-willed and foolish.

All of it unfolded at once, years ago, like a cactus blooming overnight. Probably it had been coming for years and he simply never recognized it. He was fifteen the first time he dreamt about Sozin, and he was mortified. By the time he left home for training, he could no longer pretend to be blameless. At that point, Sozin was occupying his thoughts during the day, as well.

The first time, he told himself it was an accident, that he hadn't meant to. They had been together most of the day, training, and he was tired. He was guilty immediately after, breathless and still touching himself. Blanketed by darkness, the throb of his orgasm was heavy in his hand when disgust shot through him. It felt like a betrayal, the most insidious kind, because Sozin could never know about it. He told himself he would never do it again, which was a pathetic lie.

Sozin was warming up when Roku finally made his way to the gym. His back was to the door and it was obvious he had been there for some time already. There was a sheen of sweat on his shoulders. The water beaded on his skin gathered when he threw a kick, trickled down the small of his back. Roku could feel it. He may as well have traced the path down Sozin's spine with his fingertip.

He should have announced himself. Instead, he watched the prince move through the forms, an exercise he had practiced countless times. Sozin was talented and aggressive, even for a firebender; he moved as if failure was not a possibility. It made him an intimidating sparring partner, though Roku now knew him well enough to use his headstrong tendencies against him from time to time. The fire stayed close to his body, controlled and careful in the enclosed area. He thrust his hand out as he turned and stopped short when he saw Roku. The flames guttered out and he smiled.

"At last, Avatar Roku graces me with his presence," he said, hands on his hips. He dragged an arm across his forehead and licked the sweat from his upper lip.

"My apologies, Prince Sozin," Roku replied. His tone carried the same parody of formality they used to mock their teachers as boys, when they were feeling unkind. He offered a low bow, his back stiff and straight, and Sozin chuckled. He had already retrieved a towel from the floor by the time Roku straightened.

"I would have been here sooner, but I…" he hesitated, the apology in his voice genuine now, "I didn't sleep very well."

"Something troubling you?" Sozin asked, frowning as he toweled off. There was a twist of guilt in his gut Roku tried to ignore and he cleared his throat.

"It's probably all of the traveling I've done in the last few weeks."

"Well, don't think I'm going to go easy on you just because you're tired," Sozin said with a smirk, tossing the towel to the side.

They went through forms together, side by side. Roku felt like his nervous tension was actually serving him well. His movements had an edge to them he normally lacked. He focused, tried to push everything out of his awareness other than bending. They didn't speak much, other than to suggest which exercise they should go through next. Once Roku was warm, he stopped and moved into position to begin sparring without saying anything. So many years of training together had given them enough shared nonverbal cues; Sozin noticed and followed almost immediately.

He wasn't feeling particularly aggressive this morning, but his recent earthbending training grounded the evasiveness he'd learned when mastering airbending. He stuck to defensive movements, letting Sozin direct him steadily across the floor. Roku turned away from his driving fists, flames licking his chest. Feet planted with firm sureness, he ducked under kicks. After nearly a minute of failing to land a blow, Sozin was growing increasingly frustrated, and it showed in the way he pushed forward. He moved more to gain ground than because it was particularly wise. Stance close, Roku pulled back to avoid a spinning kick aimed more or less at his head. The moment Sozin's toes hit the ground again, he moved in and kicked low, hooking his ankle and jerking his foot out from under him.

Though he reacted quickly enough to recover into a roll, Sozin ended up on one knee and wide-eyed in front of Roku, who stared down at him with his fist cocked back, flames readied. At this point, he should have admitted defeat. Roku expected him to. He expected him to stand so they could brush off and begin another round. Instead, when his shoulders relaxed slightly in anticipation, Sozin's gaze narrowed and he tackled Roku around the waist, knocking him to the floor.

This was the sort of thing he had done when they were boys, when he was losing. Since their sparring was never serious, Roku never minded much when he cheated this way. It was fun, after a day of serious training and being scrutinized by their teachers.

It was not welcome today, when he was already off balance and preoccupied. Taken completely surprise, he wasn't offering any resistance and buckled immediately. They hit the floor so hard Sozin fell on top of him, knocking the wind out of him. Though he caught his breath right away, he was still stunned for a moment. Warm weight pressed down on him, between his legs. Sozin shifted onto his stomach, pressed his palms to the floor to push himself up off of Roku's chest.

His eyes widened. He lay beneath Sozin and every indecent thought he'd ever had about him seemed to burn through his brain all at once. The friction between them sent a sizzle of electricity through him and he was humiliated by how immediate his reaction was. In a rush of panic, he shoved at Sozin's chest.

"What are you _doing_?" he snapped. He swung his anger like a blunt instrument, clumsily, and it was obvious. Sozin jerked back as Roku scrambled out from under him, but it wasn't quick enough.

He retreated to the washroom, leaving Sozin still kneeling on the floor. Roku closed the door, then stood staring at himself in the mirror. There was a pitcher of water next to the basin and he filled it, then leaned over and splashed his face.

It had happened, finally. He was exposed, and he ran through a list of possible apologies and excuses with frantic desperation. He watched the water drip off of the end of his nose into the basin. Tiny, shivery ripples sent the surface of the water trembling. Roku looked down at the polished brass, wishing he could bend a hole in the floor to crawl into.

The door opened.

Having managed to get himself under control again - panic made it easy enough - he bent his face dry and straightened. He could feel Sozin's eyes on his face in the mirror and avoided them.

"Roku," he said, and there was command in his voice. It was the subtle undertone he had been trained to carry since childhood and it was impossible to resist reacting to it. Roku's eyes flicked toward his reflection. He looked concerned. Confused.

He turned and tried to move past him, to leave the room, but Sozin caught his wrist. Roku squeezed his eyes shut, still facing the door, hand in a resistant fist. Bitter resentment was rising in his throat. Why couldn't he just let him go? Sozin had always been this way, stubborn and so infuriating in his directness. He twisted his arm and tried to jerk it free but Sozin held on.

The pounding of his heart was fast and hard in his chest. Sweat was drying on his skin and even though it was warm in the room, he felt cold.

"Roku," Sozin said again, and this time his tone was gentler. A request.

He wanted to snap at him. He knew the unfamiliar rigidity of his raised voice would shock Sozin into releasing him. Unable to summon the will to do it, his shoulders sagged.

His toes were on the threshold of the room. He opened his eyes and looked out into the gym, at the open, empty space of the practice floor. The washroom felt small and claustrophobic.

"What do you want from me?" Roku pleaded, sure his exhaustion showed. The mask he wore each day felt worn out, threadbare and useless. Sozin's hand was warm on his wrist.

"There are so many people in my life who only tell me what I want to hear," he replied. "You know what I want from you. It's the only thing I've ever wanted from you, as long as we've known each other. The truth."

Roku swallowed against a dry throat. It was the answer he dreaded hearing. The moment he feared for so many years was unfolding before him, at last. All of the hunching concealment was coming back around. He had turned away from it too many times, his steadfast avoidance of reality the thing that finally made it obvious. He was sure this was the conversation that would destroy their friendship. It had arrived and he was not ready for it.

"Don't make me do this," he begged, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sozin moved closer to him. The familiarity about his presence was often as comforting as it was tormenting. His sturdiness always made him seem so calm and sure of himself. It was at least partially genetic, he supposed, something innate in the royal bloodline. Fingertips brushed his skin and his chest tightened with anxiety. Sozin's hand ran up his back, fingers splayed, and finally came to rest where Roku was sure he could feel the wild pounding of his heart against his ribs. He went rigid, holding his breath.

"I wish you would just _say it_ ," Sozin muttered. The confidence he was so used to hearing in his friend's voice had drained away, exposing frustration. He released his wrist.

Roku turned, no longer intent on escaping. He started to reply, though he wasn't sure what he meant to say, exactly. Before he could get any words out, Sozin kissed him.

It was not tender or romantic. The press of his lips was hard with urgency and purpose. Roku was frozen in shock and didn't have a chance to respond before he pulled away. Lungs still tight and full, he stared at Sozin with wide eyes, dumbfounded.

"Sozin," he breathed, "what - "

Obviously disappointed that his point had not gotten across, he gave a groan of dismay and cupped Roku's face to pull him back in. Still stunned but at last able to offer a response, his touch trailed down Sozin's arms while they kissed, as if in confirmation of what was happening. His tongue moved between Roku's parted lips, into his mouth. Powerful arms went around him, pulling him closer. He breathed out an embarrassing moan when he felt Sozin's desire stirring against him. It almost startled him, and he broke the kiss, fingertips digging into his shoulders.

"We can't do this," he gasped. "Someone will find us."

Sozin seemed undeterred and moved to kiss him again, but Roku pulled away. He shook his head.

"Your father would have me exiled if he found out."

The way his expression darkened upon mention of the Fire Lord was familiar. Something behind his eyes shuttered as they released each other. Sozin moved past him. Resolve weakening, Roku watched him, his back to the mirror. He was glad he couldn't see his own expression. His head was foggy with longing and he was sure it showed in his eyes. He thought Sozin was going to leave, but instead he closed the door. When he faced him again, his gold eyes were narrowed in hawkish determination. Roku turned toward the basin, leaning on the counter to support himself. He had the will and good sense to talk himself out of this, but not both of them.

"Sozin," he said, and it came out weak and pleading. "We can't."

He looked into the water, now still and calm. Sozin touched him again and it was not the same testing, gentle brush of his fingertips, asking permission. His palms slid across his back, down his sides. His hands were exploring, claiming dominion. Roku's breaths were ragged in his chest.

Sozin gripped his hips and pressed against him. Against his better judgment, he looked at his reflection, at the flush on his face and chest. The obviousness of his desire was prominent, straining against his clothing. He was sure he had dreamed this before. The sight of the wide hands on his hips was almost his undoing. He didn't think he could bear it if he continued and when Sozin spread his fingers, they grazed the tops of his thighs. He was hard against Roku's backside and the answering throb in his groin radiated up into his abdomen. He caught hold of Sozin's wrists, curled his fingers around them to stop him going any further.

"Please, let me touch you," he whispered.

Sozin released him and backed up just enough to give him room to turn around. Their mouths crashed together again, hungry and sloppy and bruising.

They had caught enough glimpses of one another over the years, during training. Seeing each other naked was not a new experience. In his imagination, this was the point at which he might have offered a seductive smile. His hands were shaking as his clumsy fingers worked at the knot in the sash on Sozin's pants. When his steady hands took over, Roku felt a rush of relief.

He groped him over his clothing, hand sliding against layers of fabric to run along the firm heaviness of him. Sozin moaned a hoarse curse against his lips, the movement of his hands growing more hurried and fumbling. By the time he managed to push his clothing down enough to free his erection, they were panting against each other.

There should have been some subtlety about this. Delicate, slow teasing and gentle, foreshadowing touches. His eagerness defeated him. Roku leaned in to kiss his neck as he stroked him. The salt on Sozin's skin tasted sharp and lingered on his tongue. He didn't care. There was a low groan in his ear. It was a relieved sound and it scattered the remaining traces of his hesitation, like a gust of wind into dried leaves. It was the sort of thing he had fantasized about hearing, an answer to a question he never dared to ask.

He reveled in the thick weight of him against his palm and pressed his other hand to his abdomen. Sozin was dense heat beneath his touch and Roku drew in a deep, steadying breath. The scent of him filled his nostrils, the tang of sweat and subtle, warm spice of his cologne. He had never registered how odd it was that he put on cologne for training. He exhaled a shaking sigh against the animal beat of Sozin's pulse, leaping fast under his skin.

"I've wanted this for so long," Roku whispered to him.

Sozin's nails dug into his ribs, a needy grasping, trying to pull him even closer.

His initial efforts were ponderous and more for himself. With agonizing slowness, he familiarized himself with Sozin's body, devouring him with a ravenous touch. He ran his thumb along the head of Sozin's cock, dragging traces of sticky moisture across his skin. Roku straightened and looked down at his face. Sozin's expression was soft, his eyes closed and lips parted. It was so different from his usual demeanor, often marked by a smile that suggested amusement at a joke no one else was privy to. He was adrift. Roku's erection twitched with a throb, a hungry ache in his groin.

He maintained his steady tempo but tightened his grip, taking him in firm, possessive strokes. Sozin moaned and he muffled the sound with his mouth. Once Roku had kissed him into silence, he let his lips trail down again, along his chin to his throat.

Sozin's pants were still bunched around his thighs and his breath caught when Roku pushed his other hand into them. He cradled his soft, sensitive flesh, stroked him with gentle fingers. He felt the drawing tightness of his approaching orgasm and pulled his mouth reluctantly away from Sozin's neck to watch his face.

There was a sharp knock on the door and his blood ran cold. Sozin's eyes snapped open and they both froze.

"Prince Sozin," came a voice from the other side, "Are you in there? Your father requests your presence at the open forum."

Sozin gave a low, rueful groan, leaning into his shoulder. Roku felt the warmth of a resentful sigh on his bare skin. When he straightened, they looked into each other's eyes and his brow was furrowed in frustration.

"Thank you," he called, and his voice defied expectations, calm and even. "I'll be there in a moment."

"Avatar Roku is requested as well. Have you seen him, sire?"

Roku withdrew his hands, balled them into fists. His face was hot and he closed his eyes.

"He told me he was going to meditate after we finished sparring. It would be best if we didn't disturb him. I'll let my father know."

"Yes, your Highness."

They waited a moment for the attendant to leave the gym. Neither of them looked at each other while Sozin pulled up his pants. Once he had made himself presentable again, he checked his reflection in the mirror. Roku stepped to the side of the room in case anyone was still waiting for him in the gym.

Sozin left the room without looking back.

xXXx

Leaving was the obvious thing to do.

He returned to his room in a haze of panic, hardly aware of what he was doing. Someone must have seen Sozin's rumpled clothing, or noticed how flustered he was when he left the gym himself, a few minutes later. He stood frozen in the washroom for a time, holding his breath and staring at the mirror, watching the reflection of the empty room. Once he finally worked up the courage to venture into the hallway, he walked with his eyes on the floor. He didn't want to give anyone an opportunity to talk to him.

His door closed and locked, Roku paced, running down a list of options. The greatest advantage he had discovered to being the Avatar was that he now had friends all over the world. There was no shortage of places he could escape to.

He could go to his parents. Everyone expected him to, anyway. It had been his intention to visit them, but the moment he imagined this, it felt like a terrible idea. His father was so perceptive and impossible to lie to. His mother was another issue entirely, since she could tell when he was upset, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. She was incapable of letting a moment pass without sifting through his agitation for the cause.

His gaze fell on his glider, stood against the wall beside the door. It had been a gift from his friends in the South, the gentle monks who asked cutting, insightful questions but never pressed. He thought of the mountains and sighed, filling his lungs and emptying them. There was a moment of clarity, between breaths.

It apparently wasn't uncommon for the Avatar to feel a pull toward the nation who would welcome their next incarnation. The senior monks told him as much, when he expressed regret at leaving the temple once his airbending training was finished. Roku felt more at home with them than he expected, and the thought of returning to the quiet and discipline called to him.

This was not a crisis. It was not even unfamiliar. Hadn't he been dealing with these feelings for years? He would write to Monk Tharpa - the senior teacher in the South - and tell him he wanted to go on retreat, to mark the end of his training. They would make room for him, for as long as he needed. He would spend some time with his family tomorrow, then leave.

He headed toward his bedroom, to meditate. He needed time to focus.

xXXx

The knock on the door came after sunset.

It had been hours since he dismissed the attendant, sending him away with his letter and declining dinner. Earlier in the day, he sent word to his parents, telling them he was taking the day to recuperate from his trip and would see them in the morning.

Sozin was not unexpected. If he was being honest, much of his day was spent mentally preparing for this inevitable moment.

" _I'm leaving the Capitol._ " he planned to say, " _Now that my training is finished, I'm going to do further study at the Southern Air Temple._ "

Though he had rehearsed this statement multiple times in his head, it wilted on his lips when he opened the door.

At this hour, Sozin wouldn't have drawn a second glance from anyone passing him in the halls. He looked comfortable and relaxed, his official duties over for the day. It was difficult not to resent how calm he looked, almost bored. The simple vest he wore hung open, exposing an enticing swath of his torso. His olive skin stood out beneath the deep red fabric, and Roku's eyes snagged on his chest. He opened his mouth to speak but instead only drew in a lungful of air as he dragged his gaze down his abdomen. His pants were low on his hips and it was all so blatantly suggestive, Roku glanced up and down the hall before he ushered him into the room.

This was obviously the reaction Sozin was hoping for, because he looked pleased when Roku closed and locked the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed, turning his back to the door.

Not in the least dissuaded by this apparent reprimand, a sly smile curled Sozin's lips.

"Well," he drawled, affecting a sigh, "I got tired of waiting for you to come to _my_ room."

Roku folded his arms across his chest, eyes narrowed in an unamused scowl. Sozin rolled his eyes, hand on his hip.

"We visit in my room all of the time," he reminded him. "No one is going to find it odd."

This was true but not especially reassuring. Roku cleared his throat and drew himself up to his full height, the thing he did when attempting to exhibit authority. Usually this gave him confidence, but it was not working particularly well now.

"I'm leaving the Capitol." A frown creased Sozin's forehead and before he could respond, Roku added, "I'm going south. To the Southern Air Temple."

Just for a moment, a dismissive sneer flashed across Sozin's face.

"To the Air Nomads? What for?" When there was no answer, he guessed, "They summoned you?"

Roku shook his head.

"Are you going to pretend nothing happened?" Sozin asked, voice incredulous with irritation.

His patience rapidly wearing away, he tried to keep his voice steady and calm.

"It's better for both of us if I go," he said, trying again at the sage, wise tone that was more affectation than fact.

"Why?" Sozin snapped. He may as well have stamped his foot when he said it, he sounded so petulant. Roku scoffed in irritation.

"Because I'm the _Avatar_ , Sozin! And someday you're going to be the Fire Lord! How can I possibly hope to claim neutrality? How can people be assured I'm able to maintain balance if - " he stopped and pressed his fist to his lips. After a breath of silence, he gestured to him, "You have your lineage to worry about."

Sozin scowled, looking away. He shifted his jaw side to side in brooding agitation.

"So my parents keep telling me," he muttered. He put his hands on his hips, his throat bobbing with a rough swallow. "They want to _arrange something_ ," he added, in obvious disgust. His voice dropped at the latter half of the sentence in a clear imitation of his father. Roku wasn't sure he even realized he'd done it. It perplexed him that Sozin had never mentioned this in his letters, and there was a constriction of sadness and sympathy in his chest.

"There's no one you - "

Sozin shot a woebegone glare in his direction, an exhausted indication that he should know better. The depth of their shared experience had not been truly obvious to him until now. His shoulders sagged.

"Have you...have you talked to them?" Roku asked. "Your parents?"

"What am I supposed to tell them?" Sozin's hand was flat when he gestured to himself, held the edge of it over his heart. "Do you think you're the only one bound by duty?"

Roku recognized the shroud of anger over his voice. It was the way he covered pain and fear. Silence filled the space between them.

"This morning with you felt _right_ ," Sozin said. He sounded tired, "I sat in that stupid open forum while a bunch of magistrates droned on about nothing and all I could think about was you."

His heart leapt and ached, the pain diffusing oppressively through his chest. They might as well have been standing in the open, echoing hall. They were still so close to the door. Even his normal speaking voice felt too loud, too bold.

"Please, keep your voice down," he pleaded.

"Why?" Sozin challenged, moving closer to him, but he did lower his voice. "Are you afraid someone will hear me?"

Brows knit in frustration, Roku drew his mouth into a tight line.

"Yes," he hissed. "And I don't know why you're _not_ afraid of it."

Sozin shrugged. The gesture was so casual. Roku squared his shoulders in aggravation, about to berate him for how cavalier he was being. Sozin cut him off.

"There's no attendant outside. No one is going to come looking, or hear us."

He moved closer. Confidence restored, he looked up with a knowing tilt to his head. Roku closed his eyes, turning his face away in denial. Sozin leaned in to murmur in his ear.

"Would you rather I whispered it? That the only thing on my mind today was how good it felt when you touched me?"

Roku bowed his head and made a low, frustrated sound. Feeling powerless to deny the urge to touch him, he squeezed his hands closed. His day had been squandered in futility, struggling to gather his wits and decide what to do. Like patching the roof of a house that was ablaze. Even with his eyes shut, he could feel his proximity when Sozin tipped his chin up, as if he were going to kiss him.

"I want you," he whispered. "I know you want me."

The desire smoldering inside him flared to life, coaxed into a consuming flame. It burned through him, left him hollowed out and aching. He spread his fingers against Sozin's ribs. Suffocating need coursed into the pit of his stomach, rushed up and filled him. Sozin was holding his breath and he could feel the stillness of him, the waiting.

"Sozin," he groaned, defeated. The pounding of his heart felt dangerously fast. He wondered whether anyone had ever fainted from desire before, or if he would be the first.

"I'll leave if that's what you want," Sozin said. His touch made a liar of him, fingertips grazing his neck, the exposed skin on his chest, bare beneath his robe.

"You _should_ leave," Roku answered in a hoarse whisper.

"If that's what you want," Sozin repeated.

Their lips met, Roku's sharp intake of breath his only answer. Sozin's hands slipped into his clothing, the naked lust in his touch scalding his nerves. The belt holding his robe shut was tied with lazy indifference, since he'd been alone. It came undone as Sozin pushed it off of his shoulders, the silk pooling at his feet. The knot holding his pants up was just as halfhearted, and Sozin pulled it open with a couple of gentle tugs.

"I don't want to go," Roku said, voice low and urgent against his lips, suddenly desperate to make him understand. "I don't want to leave. I never wanted to."

"I know," he replied.

His hand slid into Roku's pants and he groaned when Sozin stroked him over his shorts. He let his forehead rest against Sozin's, clutching his shoulders. His fingers flexed unconsciously, clothing bunching between them. He should have been able to save them both from falling off of this cliff together, but he couldn't pretend any more. In the back of his mind, he thought he should have been embarrassed by how hard he already was. Instead, he pushed back against his hand in surrender, desperate for more contact.

"I'm sorry," he managed in a weak moan, his eyes closed, almost dizzy.

Sozin withdrew his hand, raked his fingers through Roku's hair, and pulled him in to kiss him again. The roughness of urgency had fallen away, but the hunger remained. Sozin's nails scraped down the small of his back. He paused at his hips to tug him closer.

The air felt charged, like there was lightning arcing between them, and Roku's breaths were quick and shallow. They caught in his chest when Sozin pulled them together, pushed against him. Heat sparked in his groin, bright and commanding.

The rasp of Sozin's cock was hard and insistent against his, torturous through layers of clothing. Sozin moaned something that sounded like a failed attempt at words, half formed and weak. His hands slid to Roku's backside with a boldness that made his breath catch, fingertips curling with an unapologetic dig into his muscles. The warmth of a sigh feathered across his skin, followed by the unexpected nip of teeth at his throat. Roku swallowed against the press of his kiss.

They moved toward the bedroom without speaking.

Neither of them were blushing virgins, but he was still hesitant. They stood beside the bed together, Roku struggling to keep his hands steady as he helped Sozin undress. His hands were too occupied to do it himself, since they had worked their way beneath the last of his clothing already. The pants undone in the sitting room were left behind in an undignified heap on the floor, so Roku stood cocooned in Sozin's embrace in his underwear.

Sozin had shrugged his vest to the floor and wrapped his arms around his waist. His fingers roamed down, spread as his palms skimmed across his body. He pushed Roku's underwear down and they snagged on the stiff impediment of his erection. His hands were soft and strong and moved across the skin he had bared with a covetous grasp. Roku moaned into his mouth. The sound deepened into a groan as his hand slid around to curve over his cock, pressing it against his body.

"I want to see you," Sozin whispered.

Roku could feel his eyes on him a few minutes later, when he was lying naked beneath him. He watched his face between each short, seeking kiss. Sozin's thigh was between his legs, the two of them grinding shamelessly against each other. Roku's arms were over his head, wrists caged in Sozin's grip, pushed down into the bed. He raised his hips in a futile attempt at wresting some control, his moans revealing more than he meant to. The comfortable resistance of the bed under him pushed him into Sozin's powerful frame, and he dug his heel into the blankets to give himself more leverage. Fingers still curled around his wrists, Sozin lifted himself up. He ended the contact between them abruptly, rising onto his knees.

His mouth worked a searing path down Roku's abdomen, and he dragged his hands along it. He settled between his thighs and pushed his hand into the pit of his knee, spreading his legs further apart. Roku resisted for a moment since it felt almost vulgar. He pushed himself up onto his elbows to look down at him. The nervousness tangled inside him must have shown on his face.

"You don't want me to?" Sozin asked.

Roku couldn't think how best to express what he was thinking. Lying exposed and displayed before him made his arousal even more tenacious, straining through him, demanding to be appeased. He could feel it thrum inside him, and was desperate to allow whatever Sozin wanted to do to him to release it.

Still, at least if anyone found out what happened between them that morning, he could take the blame. Given a list of acts they could engage in, this felt the most damning, the thing people would be the most shocked by. He had thought about the things he wanted Sozin to do to him so many times. Even when he imagined this it felt subversive.

"No one's ever done this for you before," Sozin observed.

Roku swallowed and shook his head. He blew out a shaky breath and lay back again, closing his eyes. Sozin must have taken this as the permission he intended it to be and steadied his bobbing erection against his palm. He felt the warmth of his breath.

He dragged his tongue, slick and flat, up the underside of his cock. Roku let out a low moan as Sozin drew his flesh into his mouth. It sent a shockwave of heat through him. He slid his fingers across the back of his neck, curling at the base of his skull, urging him on. His trepidation was immediately forgotten.

The tight, focused pressure of Sozin's lips wrapped around him felt nothing like he imagined it would. He could barely sort out the sensations, it was all so overwhelming. The weight of a broad hand ran over his abdomen, toward his chest. He fought against the urge to roll his hips, to thrust deeper into the wet heat of Sozin's mouth. Softness gave way occasionally to the clumsy scrape of his teeth, but Roku was beyond judging the details of his performance. He cast his gaze down just as Sozin was dragging his lips up. The slippery caress of his tongue and hollow of his cheeks pulled a shuddering moan from deep in Roku's chest.

They were both a bit out of their depth, but it didn't matter much. There were pauses followed by silent moments of consideration. Every careful, testing stroke of Sozin's tongue pushed Roku closer to the edge, sent him stumbling toward the precipice. Far too quickly, in minutes that felt like seconds, he moaned his name in embarrassed warning. Sozin stopped, lifted his head. He gave him room to back away from his orgasm while he watched.

"That felt so good," Roku said, his voice edged in a wobble of laughter at how ridiculously obvious this statement was. Sozin kissed his hip, lips grazing his skin when he replied.

"I'm not done." He looked up again and their eyes met. "I just want to do it for longer than that."

Roku felt his face redden at the implications. Sozin's single minded intent made him sound serious, and when he resumed his work, it was with focused purpose. Roku let his head drop back into the pillow with a groan.

He writhed beneath him, hands fisted in the sheets. They stuck to his sweaty back and his chest heaved with harsh pants, pressure building inside him again, too soon. He moaned and felt the answering vibration of a muffled groan against his body. Breathing between parted lips, he looked down. He hadn't even realized Sozin was touching himself. Each deep, hungry dip of his head was mirrored in his hand, fist pumping in firm, greedy strokes. Their eyes locked again and Roku breathed out a quaking sigh.

"Don't stop, please," he begged. "Don't stop. I need - " his breath caught and his fingers flexed, grasping for something to hold onto.

Back arched, he turned his head to press the pillow to his face, partially smothering his cry of relief. The blaze of his need flared and burned out, reducing him to cinders and instinct and raw nerves. His climax spilled down Sozin's throat. Roku could not prevent the tremulous undulation of his hips and Sozin pinned him to the bed with his wide palm, holding him still.

A muffling haze settled over him as he lay spent and shaking, Sozin's lips still sliding along his softening erection. When he finally pulled away, it was with a low hum of satisfaction. He pushed himself up onto his elbow. Roku watched Sozin give his cock a gentle squeeze, as if admiring his own handiwork. The sensation was magnified in his tender flesh and he held back a moan, the deep pulse of his orgasm still radiating through his groin. Sozin swiped away the last traces of his efforts with the tip of his tongue.

He felt clumsy and drained, but fresh desire stirred inside him when Sozin kissed his way up, along his stomach and chest. He held himself over Roku's slack, lethargic form and looked down at him. There was naked hunger in his eyes, as if he were planning to devour him and only needed to decide where to start.

"What do you want me to do?" Roku murmured, his sleepy satisfaction at last granting him the seductive undertone he'd been hoping for. It wasn't lost on Sozin, who licked his lips, a smirk tugging at them.

"Touch me," he purred, though there was an undertone of command in it. "You can finish what you started this morning."

Roku reached between them without hesitation. He could tell by how he kissed him that it wouldn't take long. Sozin sucked at his lower lip, nipped his chin and ran parted lips along his jaw. He held himself up with one hand while the other tangled in his hair, nails scraping his scalp. Sozin thrust against his palm with a roll of his hips and buried his face in Roku's neck, whispering his name.

"I want to be inside you," he moaned. The confession came out rough and weak, in his ear.

It thrilled him to hear it, to hear the words chased out by trembling panting. The fog of his own desire had dissipated. Sozin was throbbing in his grasp and a desperate whimper crept up out of his throat when Roku did not relent.

"Later," he promised, a murmur in his ear.

Sozin came with a ragged groan, the warmth of it escaping Roku's fingers, spattering his abdomen. He only stopped when Sozin gripped his wrist, held him motionless while he caught his breath. At last he rolled off of him, eyes closed.

Neither of them spoke for a while, the desire to lay limp and content beside each other overriding the urge to clean up.

"We should go to my room," Sozin said at last. Roku heaved a sigh at this suggestion.

"Why?" he asked. Sozin stretched, folded his hands under his head.

"I have incredibly expensive rice wine and my bed is twice this size, for a start."

"Hm," was Roku's only response, though he made it clear his interest was piqued.

"If you're leaving tomorrow, I want to make the most of tonight." He glanced over at him, "Unless you've decided to stay."

There was undeniable appeal in the idea. They would probably let him stay in the Palace as long as he liked. He could spend his evenings with Sozin, like this. It was tempting, but it did not hold up to the scrutiny of logic. He might as well be a concubine. It would be worse than that, because at least Sozin could be open about keeping concubines. It would be a life suffocated by lies and secrecy, full of uncomfortable compromises, ones he couldn't make.

"No," he sighed. He closed his eyes. "I haven't."

Sozin accepted this in silence. Roku sat up, turning his back to him to swing his legs over the side of the bed. Before he could get up to make his way to the bathroom, Sozin caught his wrist.

"Can we do this again, the next time you visit?"

His voice sounded small and Roku sighed, the undisguised plea slicing through him. For whoever else they now were, or would someday be, Sozin was his best friend, first. He was the person who knew him better than almost anyone. He knew what his answer would be before he even gave it.

"Yes," he said, without looking at him.

Sozin released him. He got out of bed and left the room, to clean up.


End file.
